I never met my grandfather. He died suddenly of a massive heart attack in 1968. My Dad was only 11 years old. The echos of his violent death are still heard in the history of my family and felt in the fear of loss that envelops our lives.

I always wondered how much I might be like my mysterious late grandfather, and unfortunately now I know...

It's with great sadness that I must announce the context of my new EP, cuddledrug "didn't give up" released everywhere today (10/31/22).

I have been diagnosed with the same heart condition that killed my grandfather, which is an inherited autosomal dominant PKP2 gene mutation: arrhythmogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy (ARVC). After long medical investigation, it has been confirmed that I will not grow old. This will be what kills me, and contrary to what I said in my song "Slither Hither" on Bed of thorns, I will definitely not "tell a stupid joke when I'm 69."

I know this is a lot to process. Trust me, it's taken me down a path I never thought I'd have to walk, but that's life, and this is death. I found out after an MRI over the summer, and my perspective on life has entirely shifted, surprisingly in a positive way. I have finally made peace with this terror. I created this EP and music video as coping mechanisms. I'm sharing them with the world today: some actually frightening content on my favorite holiday (played my first show 14 years ago on 10/31/08).

cuddledrug has always dedicated ourselves to promoting suicide prevention and mental health awareness. Honestly, I came closer to making an irreversible decision in the past few months that I ever have in my entire life, but I'm proud to say my mental health is now surprisingly better than it ever has been. I wish everyone had the chance to live like they were gonna die. This perspective is the most healing mindset I've ever experienced. What a privilege it is to sweat the small stuff. How beautiful are the little things in life. Take it all in. Feel it. It's worth it. We only get this one life to live. Better use it right.

I've decided to use this opportunity to ask everyone to get accountable with their mental health. I'm super fortunate that I have a solid network of loving friends who will answer the phone at 3am and not rest until they know I'm safe. I do the same for them. That's our club, the Funeral Friends, dedicated to the idea that we all get to make it. So I'm asking everyone to have that conversation with your closest people. Ask them if it's okay to promise each other to survive. Our rule is to call twice in a row if it's dead serious. Two calls and no rest until safety is established.

I created a music video for the song "Funeral Friends" which can be watched at this link (www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxNtajBD3-o&t=1s). It was recorded entirely on Hi-8 film with no digital effects processing. Every title and special feature in the video was rendered analog via the camera itself. I hope you like it.

I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm okay, more so than I've ever been. I will live my life to the fullest, for as long as I can, and I will never, ever give up.

With so much love,
Derek

Find everything @ www.cuddledrug.com